I debated with myself for a while for and against writing a post about becoming 32. It’s definitely held true for me that the older I get the more I realize how little I know. At 16 I was sure I had it all figured out; now I’ve doubled those years and it’s more apparent than ever how much I have to learn. More interestingly, turning 32 has made it apparent how much there is to learn and how exciting that is, and that’s what I want to talk about here.
I’ve really struggled writing this blog. It’s been my first attempt at getting my writing out in front of someone’s eyes besides my own. The stress and the fear of criticism or misunderstanding has put several weeks in between each post as I go back and forth over what I should or should not share. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it would be like this. I read several blogs and whether the writing is any good or not- they all seem to to have one thing in common- the writers are constantly producing content.
It’s quite something when you work for several weeks on a post, and pour your heart and soul into it- and really feel like you produced something worth reading…and then no one does. It’s painful and it’s humbling–and it bursts your little fantasy bubble of someday living in a world where you are making your living as a writer. But, it also motivates you. I’ve never really nailed anything in my life on the first try. Also, I usually succeed at something completely different than what I first set out to do. With that in mind, I am putting my head down and making a commitment to write more frequently and more freely. Others may be hesitant to publish their struggles with writing but I’ll not be one of those. My biggest asset in writing and in my commitment to humanity is my honesty and integrity. I hope to communicate with a freedom and a clarity that reaches all different minds and attitudes. When I’m inspired, I have to write; some days I’ll swing and miss, other days I just might connect. I just can’t keep hoping for someone to throw enough balls to get me on 1st base (let’s hope for some baseball fans out there.)
Speaking of inspiration- mine this week is our President, Mr. Barack Obama. As our first Black President, he has endured scrutiny and resistance that I believe no other President has ever or will ever have to go through. I believe he’s made important and lasting changes for our Nation; accomplishments that won’t be recognized until long after he exits the White House. I love the clip below of his eulogy for the victims of the unspeakable hate crime in South Carolina. The politics are gone. He needs no more votes. He is free to be with his people. He is free to be himself.
I felt a similar freedom entering my 32nd year into this world. There are so many things that can hold us back- but this birthday had me focusing solely on those things that might propel me forward. That means putting myself out there and making mistakes. It may even mean tripping and falling flat on my face. It means letting my hair down and walking out into the world as exactly the person I am at this moment. That freedom creates this opening–an opening where courage and stick-to-itivness and a true desire to learn and be better meet, and transform into something I probably could never imagine for myself. I can’t wait to see what that is. For now, this, is 32.