What’s Been Running Through My Head this Week…
I’ve found it a bit difficult to focus this week, but surprisingly, that hasn’t been a bad thing. Often times, when I have trouble concentrating on things I want to get done, I sort of give up on the day, or at least on the day being productive. Instead, this week I just tried to go with the flow and sort of ride the wave of my flightiness (is that one too many transpo metaphors there?!). Anyway, it worked. Despite feeling a bit scattered I had a great week full of writing, solid workouts, meetings, appointments, and even quality time with my sis. Being such a type A, I think sometimes it can be a great relief to stop trying to control my schedule so tightly and just roll with whatever comes next. I can’t live that way all the time–as much as I long to be called easygoing, I’m well aware that I am not. But, when a day comes along where sticking to a plan is just not working, I find it a lot easier to just lean into it, not fight it.
In an effort to embrace this week’s inability to focus on one thing, I decided to stop trying to, and share a short list of what’s been running through my brain. Please hold on, it’s a pretty random ride:
- I’m thinking about calling out this gross guy who blatantly ogles my boobs and ass. I see this guy a couple times a week at a “self-help” place I attend. I’m not sure he has ever once looked me in the eye, and it makes me angry. There is a certain amount of gazing I feel content with living with as a woman. Hell, I can’t say I immediately avert my eyes when an attractive man or woman walks passed me either. There is a different gaze though–an entitled one that avoids the eyes and scans the body as if it was for purchase. When a man looks at me like I’m a steak that he could pick up and throw on the grill whenever he might like, I have a problem. The next time it happens with this guy I think I might casually say, “hey buddy, eyes up here.” I imagine I will be labeled as the one who made the situation awkward–but I figure he should be made to be at least as uncomfortable as he has made me.
- I wonder if running intervals is actually making me any faster. I also wonder if I am doing them wrong. In the half I am running in two weeks I plan on following the 2:00 pace person, and then hopefully pushing the last couple miles to finish under that time and PR. The problem is, I never run even splits. I start out much slower (at about a 10 min/mile pace) and then gradually get faster. Usually my last few miles I am running between 7 and 730 min/mile. I just hope my intervals have conditioned me enough to start out quicker and keep an even pace throughout. I thought about running without the pace person and just tracking my splits on my own, but I think that will keep me too much into myself. I really want to be a part of the race and experience the day. I will let you know how it goes!
- I don’t want Obamacare to die, but I want Trump supporters to get what they voted for. This is a daily struggle for me. I don’t want anyone with a pre-existing condition to not be able to afford healthcare. But man, oh man. I am dying for these rural white communities to truly feel the ramifications of voting against their own interests. I’m not at all a part of TEAM RESIST EVERYTHING. I want people who voted for fear and hate to feel their choice; I want them to live in it. I guess the problem is, we all have to live it. Ugh. I. Don’t. Know.
- LeBron James is my hero. I can’t believe I used to hate him. What was wrong with me? I ❤ the playoffs so hard.
- Yoga strips off all of your armor. I was standing next to a woman in class the other day. Both of us were essentially wearing bikinis and spending 90 minutes staring at our imperfect bodies in the mirror. I realized that in that room, I held absolutely no judgment of her; I also had no real conception of whom she might be in her daily life. I laughed as I thought about how she could be the CEO of some huge company–she could leave here and put on a power suit and walk into a building where everyone fears or is trying to please her. But in the yoga room, in her skivvies, she’s just another human trying to improve herself–and that’s all I am as well. I want the world to be a yoga room.
- The older you get, the more invisible you become. How devastating is this sentence? Even more so when you hear it from an 87 year old man like I did this week. He didn’t say it to attract sympathy but to reveal a sad truth about our society. I am OBSESSED with aging. I am fascinated by it and have made a true effort to really embrace each age that I reach because the experiences are so varied and seem to be the only true path to wisdom. Aging is so strange to me because it is something that people try so hard to avoid. But, the only true avoidance, is death. So every day I think, if I am going to choose life, I choose aging as well–and I’m alright with that.
- It makes sense that we overeat when we aren’t giving our bodies what they are asking for. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, my body and I have a pretty rad relationship. It’s taken YEARS of listening to my body for me to really know it and know what it needs, and it’s taken my body a long time to trust me to give it what it is asking for. On Wednesday, I came home from yoga and prepared a lunch of grilled chicken and steamed broccoli and a few strawberries. It was delicious, and more than enough food-but I still felt crazy hungry. I had more chicken I could eat but my body was telling me that protein was not the problem. I went back in my kitchen, sliced up an avocado, threw on a little sea salt, and dug in. Immediately–like I am talking the second the first slice slid down my gullet, the growl in my stomach quieted down. FAT! I needed fat. My body told me, and I fed it, and it was satisfied. It’s no wonder it is so easy for all of us to sit down and shovel in an entire bag of chips. If those chips are not what our body really needs or wants, there is no satisfaction in sight–we just keep on eating, not until our stomachs are full but really until we are full of guilt. I think our relationship with food and with our bodies can be so much more gratifying.
- Traveling feels like the closest thing to real life. I know that is not really how we think, especially not in America. I know traveling is a privilege and it’s not something most of us get to do all the time. I am getting so pumped because we have some trips coming up in a few weeks. First, a short jaunt to Philly for a couple days to celebrate my husband’s birthday and to acknowledge the end of the grueling semester he just had. Then, a few days later, we are off to Portugal. People tend to think travel is sort of a fantasy because you get to not work and do things at your leisure. I guess that is actually what I do find so real about it. Hour by hour of every day of our trip, we will get to make decisions based solely on our desire to see, to learn, to taste, to hear, and to feel. I find my intuition so strong and easy to follow when I’m on vacation; it’s not muddled with fear or judgment or obligation. When I make mistakes on vacation, like leading us half a mile in the wrong direction or getting us lost, I’m able to understand that it is not the end of the world. I’m quickly able to shift my perspective and see a misstep as an adventure rather than wasted time. At the end of every trip I tell myself that I need to keep this authentic and happy and life-craving person around for everyday. I’ll let you know in June if the kiss of Portugal is sticking to me!
So you see, my thoughts have been a little too assorted to pin down into one coherent subject this week. Let me know if you’re interested in hearing more about anything I mentioned above–I’ll definitely look to expand my insights on each of these and would love to hear from you as well. What’s running through your brain this week?!
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