It’s my birthday!! As you may have read in my last post I am supposed to be in Michigan visiting friends and family for the long weekend. Unfortunately our flight which was supposed to leave at 640 pm last night, has still not left. It is now scheduled for 1045 this morning, we will see if we actually take off. If it doesn’t, keep an eye on the news, there might be a big-haired crazy lady causing a raucous at LaGuardia.
Surprisingly I am in pretty great spirits. I woke up this morning and watched ESPN with my man; I can’t lay next to him and think I’m unlucky, it’s just not possible. Wish us good travel juju today please! For now, I leave you with a few thoughts on what it’s feeling like to be 34 today. I hope you all enjoy the holiday weekend! x
- 34 is not old. This statement is for everyone. It’s for those of you who are older, whom I would annoy the shit out of if I acted like I was suddenly ancient. It’s also for you young bucks who actually think 34 is old–don’t blink; trust me, you’ll be here in like two seconds. Finally, for all the other early and mid eighties babies out there–how lucky are we? I’m generally fascinated by the aging process and am so curious about each decade; so far, I’ve got to give the thirties a HUGE thumbs up! Love, careers, kiddos, travel, taking chances…life has so much adventure in store for us if we want it.
- 34 is not old, but I am getting older, and that means other people are too. Did you know a few years ago there was a hoax on the internet that said that Morgan Freeman had died? When I saw it I burst into tears, I literally started sobbing. Then after a bit more googling I discovered it wasn’t true, just a prank some idiot thought it would be funny to pull. I was angry for a good while. Afterward though I reflected on the incident and was quite taken aback–I had no idea I had such strong feelings for Morgan Freeman. Back to google–Morgan Freeman turned 80 on June 1st. He’s still doing his thing but the reality is, he’s no spring chicken. I know anyone can go at anytime but it’s made me a little sad to realize how many artists and athletes who have meant so much to me are getting up there; their deaths are set to have a huge impact on me and so many others. It might seem silly but it’s shocking to realize that as I age, other people do to. I want to freeze my nieces because they’re growing up wayyy too fast; every time I see them I can’t believe how big and different they are from the last visit. My parents are aging as well; and it’s tough. While both of them are in good health, lots of things are changing. The period of my life as a kid who thought her parents were invincible is definitely over. We lost my husbands mom a couple of years ago, just a few months after we got married. It was a devastating loss and also a huge gain in perspective on the reality of life and the time we have here. It’s short.
- I’m trying minimalism, or something like it, and I like it. I bought a dress the other day for my birthday, cause you know, that feels good. What made it feel even better was not being able to remember the last time I bought a dress for myself. Clothes and other material things have taken a serious backseat in my life over the past year and I have to say, I couldn’t be happier with the choice and the results . It’s been really important to me to get a handle on my finances and really start saving; I realized my lack of discipline in this area was affecting the way I felt about myself as a whole person. In our house we spend freely on food and travel, everything else we try to keep to a minimum. I used to use shopping to fill a hole. Going without it made me realize how fleeting and empty that kind of happiness is; there are more fulfilling alternatives that offer a much more fruitful and sustainable future.
- My perfectionism often doesn’t serve me. I hesitated to write about this cause I’m still figuring it out; I have yet to be able to separate my perfectionism from my drive, but I know now that I need to. I flipped out a little this week. There is something off with my calf, probably a mild strain, I keep getting a cramp in it when I try to run. This is happening at the most inopportune time–I start training for my first marathon next week. Knowing about the pain in my calf, I saw my sister on the street yesterday and she asked me where I was coming from. I told her I was at the gym, I had done some strength training and a short run. Oh, and then I hopped over to my yoga studio for a super hot 90 minute class. She looked at me in disbelief. “What are you doing?” She started in on me. “You’re going to run yourself into the ground before you even get started.” She’s right, but it was hard for me to hear. Part of being a perfectionist is acting like you aren’t one. I talk a good game. I think a theme you will find throughout this blog is balance; I preach the hell out of that shit. To my credit, I do achieve it in quite a few areas…sometimes. Today though, I am ready to face the fact that not only do I have a lot of work ahead of me, I also have a lot of letting go to do. Marathon training has changed my life so much already, and I haven’t even started yet. It’s clear that while I can pick the destination, the Universe has the reigns on the journey. I really hope I can learn to loosen my grip and enjoy the ride. Stay tuned.
Is the paradox of growing older and wiser that we realize how young we are in the world and how little we really know? I think so. I still think it’s invaluable to compare notes with each other–to learn from all our successes and failures, to unearth the things we thought were mistakes that turned out to be our greatest fortunes. It helps to extend our humanity when we realize that while we have so many of the same parts, no two of us are built exactly the same.
Today, life looks like the most beautiful, complicated pattern; it’s undeniably clear that I’m not weaving it all by myself. I’m so glad that I’ve stopped trying to, that I’ve let people in to make my life BIG and COLORFUL and VIBRANT. I have so many gifts. I feel so rich. If I find anymore gratitude in my heart, I think it might burst. Apparently, this, is 34.