This is 34

It’s my birthday!! As you may have read in my last post I am supposed to be in Michigan visiting friends and family for the long weekend. Unfortunately our flight which was supposed to leave at 640 pm last night, has still not left. It is now scheduled for 1045 this morning, we will see if we actually take off. If it doesn’t, keep an eye on the news, there might be a big-haired crazy lady causing a raucous at LaGuardia.

Surprisingly I am in pretty great spirits. I woke up this morning and watched ESPN with my man; I can’t lay next to him and think I’m unlucky, it’s just not possible. Wish us good travel juju today please! For now, I leave you with a few thoughts on what it’s feeling like to be 34 today. I hope you all enjoy the holiday weekend! x

  • 34 is not old. This statement is for everyone. It’s for those of you who are older, whom I would annoy the shit out of if I acted like I was suddenly ancient. It’s also for you young bucks who actually think 34 is old–don’t blink; trust me, you’ll be here in like two seconds. Finally, for all the other early and mid eighties babies out there–how lucky are we? I’m generally fascinated by the aging process and am so curious about each decade; so far, I’ve got to give the thirties a HUGE thumbs up! Love, careers, kiddos, travel, taking chances…life has so much adventure in store for us if we want it.
  • 34 is not old, but I am getting older, and that means other people are too. Did you know a few years ago there was a hoax on the internet that said that Morgan Freeman had died? When I saw it I burst into tears, I literally started sobbing. Then after a bit more googling I discovered it wasn’t true, just a prank some idiot thought it would be funny to pull. I was angry for a good while. Afterward though I reflected on the incident and was quite taken aback–I had no idea I had such strong feelings for Morgan Freeman. Back to google–Morgan Freeman turned 80 on June 1st. He’s still doing his thing but the reality is, he’s no spring chicken. I know anyone can go at anytime but it’s made me a little sad to realize how many artists and athletes who have meant so much to me are getting up there; their deaths are set to have a huge impact on me and so many others. It might seem silly but it’s shocking to realize that as I age, other people do to. I want to freeze my nieces because they’re growing up wayyy too fast; every time I see them I can’t believe how big and different they are from the last visit. My parents are aging as well; and it’s tough. While both of them are in good health, lots of things are changing. The period of my life as a kid who thought her parents were invincible is definitely over. We lost my husbands mom a couple of years ago, just a few months after we got married. It was a devastating loss and also a huge gain in perspective on the reality of life and the time we have here. It’s short.
  • I’m trying minimalism, or something like it, and I like it. I bought a dress the other day for my birthday, cause you know, that feels good. What made it feel even better was not being able to remember the last time I bought a dress for myself. Clothes and other material things have taken a serious backseat in my life over the past year and I have to say, I couldn’t be happier with the choice and the results . It’s been really important to me to get a handle on my finances and really start saving; I realized my lack of discipline in this area was affecting the way I felt about myself as a whole person. In our house we spend freely on food and travel, everything else we try to keep to a minimum. I used to use shopping to fill a hole. Going without it made me realize how fleeting and empty that kind of happiness is; there are more fulfilling alternatives that offer a much more fruitful and sustainable future.
  • My perfectionism often doesn’t serve me. I hesitated to write about this cause I’m still figuring it out; I have yet to be able to separate my perfectionism from my drive, but I know now that I need to. I flipped out a little this week. There is something off with my calf, probably a mild strain, I keep getting a cramp in it when I try to run. This is happening at the most inopportune time–I start training for my first marathon next week. Knowing about the pain in my calf, I saw my sister on the street yesterday and she asked me where I was coming from. I told her I was at the gym, I had done some strength training and a short run. Oh, and then I hopped over to my yoga studio for a super hot 90 minute class. She looked at me in disbelief. “What are you doing?” She started in on me. “You’re going to run yourself into the ground before you even get started.” She’s right, but it was hard for me to hear. Part of being a perfectionist is acting like you aren’t one. I talk a good game. I think a theme you will find throughout this blog is balance; I preach the hell out of that shit. To my credit, I do achieve it in quite a few areas…sometimes. Today though, I am ready to face the fact that not only do I have a lot of work ahead of me, I also have a lot of letting go to do. Marathon training has changed my life so much already, and I haven’t even started yet. It’s clear that while I can pick the destination, the Universe has the reigns on the journey. I really hope I can learn to loosen my grip and enjoy the ride. Stay tuned.

Is the paradox of growing older and wiser that we realize how young we are in the world and how little we really know? I think so. I still think it’s invaluable to compare notes with each other–to learn from all our successes and failures, to unearth the things we thought were mistakes that turned out to be our greatest fortunes. It helps to extend our humanity when we realize that while we have so many of the same parts, no two of us are built exactly the same.

Today, life looks like the most beautiful, complicated pattern; it’s undeniably clear that I’m not weaving it all by myself. I’m so glad that I’ve stopped trying to, that I’ve let people in to make my life BIG and COLORFUL and VIBRANT. I have so many gifts. I feel so rich. If I find anymore gratitude in my heart, I think it might burst. Apparently, this, is 34.

 

 

27 thoughts on “This is 34

  1. Happy belated birthday. Let me just say, as someone who last saw 34 disappearing in the rearview mirror ages ago, 34 is not only NOT old, it is still very, very young. Enjoy life without age limits.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy late birthday! I just celebrated mine last week, and I’ve got nearly 20 years on you and I’ll just say, the older I get more irrelevant age becomes. I believe so much of it is in how you think, act, and believe about yourself. I’ve never been stronger or more energetic and just love embracing each day 🙂

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    1. Thanks lady! It’s so funny, my hubs and I were just talking about this the other day. He has a few friends that are the exact same age as him and he was with them the other day and all they were talking about was how old and tired they felt. My husband walked away thinking “Why are they so tired I wonder? I feel younger and more active and fit than ever in my life.” You are right, all in the mind!
      Happy birthday to you!! Hope it was wonderful! x

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, I’m so glad I was not the only one!! It’s true though isn’t it–there are so many amazing people who we grew up watching and looking up to, I will be really devastated when they go. Thanks so much Angela! 😘

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  3. Happy birthday weekend! You are the most marvelous sign in the zodiac, the complex, security-seeking, hard outer shell and vulnerable inside. I’m a Cancer too! I hope you got to Michigan and are enjoying celebrating another year of life. I’ve been following for awhile, but this is my first comment. I am also on the minimalist journey, I just moved out of my apartment which by pure act makes you take stock of the baggage/shtuff in your life. I don’t want a life of boxes filled with papers- I started to deliberately not only purge stuff but seeking ways to stay free of it. I also began to listen to the Minimalists podcast, they are practically experts and speak very plainly about it all– the psychology behind why we feel the need to acquire and hold onto things, which is helping me. But I agree with you, all of it is interconnected, letting go of things, minimizing shopping, not using things to fill voids frees us up in many other areas of life. Great lessons!

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    1. Oh wow Tracey, thank you so much for reading/following/commenting, I’m so glad to have you here! First off, I don’t follow zodiac stuff but sometimes it really freaks me out how spot on things are-your description rings very true for this cancer!
      Minimalism is such a process I think-for me it has its ups and downs. We traveled in the last month and then also had some unexpected expenses come up (needed a new vacuum and laid down some big bucks for one that wasn’t going to crap out in a year.” It felt like money was just flying out the door this month and I didn’t like the way it felt. I had to realize though for me the progress was that I really cared about what felt like overspending and I feel anxious to get back to my new normal. There was a time when I wouldn’t think about what I was spending till the dread of my credit card bill came up!
      It’s funny, we don’t have that many visitors over to our apartment but when they do, they often compliment us on how clutter free it is. I’m not very creative design-wise so sometimes I feel like our apartment could be decorated more, but when we get that compliment it always makes me feel good.
      Good luck with your new place. Fresh starts are great, I hope you love your new home! And please come back, always happy to have your thoughts here! x

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      1. Thanks! I think that’s a great compliment too (re minimal things.)
        I think what you’re referring to is just growing up. When we are just spending money and afraid to look at our statements that doesn’t seem very responsible (I still do it), but when we grow up we gotta care about those things. LOL
        I’m still loving my new place. Not the most clutter free just yet, but I’m trying to keep our desire to fill it up with things just because at a low. The fact that we don’t have money to spend helps with that. So far, so good.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy birthday! I’m sorry for your flight delays, that must be so frustrating – I hope you finally made it to Michigan. So many great thoughts, minimalism is something I’m working on too 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We finally made it, thanks Ida. Nothing going as planned but somehow it’s almost better that way, lessons always 😍. I wish the whole world would work on minimalism, wouldn’t that be something!?
      Have a great holiday weekend! x

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