Week #3: “I Love Structure, but I miss my Hubs”

DAY | PLAN | ACTUAL
MON | REST | REST
TUE | 4M/STRENGTH | 4M (9:17/MI)/STRENGTH
WED | 3M | 3.2M (9:51/MI)
THU | 3M/STRENGTH | 3M HILL INT (9:13/MI)/STRENGTH
FRI | REST | REST
SAT | YOGA | BIKRAM90
SUN | 5M | 6.0 (10.45/MI)
TOTAL |15 MILES | 16.2 MILES

Week 3 saw me totally getting into a groove. I’ve been back at work for two weeks now and things in pre-production are slow, steady, and super manageable. I’m getting home everyday around 7:00, getting dinner on the table and eating till 8:00, and writing from 8-10pm. Mornings see me rising between 5 and 530 so I’m usually able to get between 6 and 7 hours of sleep (7 is better!). I feel like I’m functioning at a very high level. My nutrition is solid, my rest days are rejuvenating, and I’m able to bring a great deal of energy to each workout. I’ve got kind of a sweet feeling I haven’t had since high school–I feel like an athlete. And, I like it.

I thrive off of this type of structure. When I used to have time off work and would have trouble getting going on my writing my hubs used to always remind me of the adage: If you want something done, give it to a busy person. As much as I like to think I want a lot of freedom with my time, I really am more efficient on a tight schedule. There have been quite a few moments the past couple weeks where I’ve felt like I am really living a dream–I like the hardworking go-getter that I see in the mirror. Hell, when I have a great run in the morning and get to work in something other than yoga pants, I pretty much feel like Superwoman. I know this could all change as my training moves forward and the mileage ramps up, but for now I am enjoying it for what it is and taking it one day at a time.

As happy as I’ve been with my efficiency, there has been one little sore spot peeking through–the time–or lack thereof, I get to spend with my husband. He and I have been together for a little over six years, married for almost three. He is the most wonderful part of my world–he fully and perfectly embodies the best of what I could imagine a life partner is supposed to be. Everything good is better because he is there. Everything bad is made tolerable because he exists. He is my favorite person, and for the last six years, we have gotten to spend an enormous amount of time together. There has always seemed to be this ebb and flow–if one of us was a little busier or had more on our plate, the other one’s load got a little lighter and would balance us out. Just a few months ago he was swamped with a full-time internship and a full load of classes (he’s studying for his masters). Luckily, this was just around the time I was wrapping up at work. I had time to help get his lunches together, or make him an early dinner so he could eat before class. Even when he didn’t have a lot of time, my schedule was flexible enough that I could slide in and be with him whenever he was free. While we do appreciate our independence, we also really like each other, and prefer to spend a lot of time together. It’s sort of why we got married, to be around each other most of the time.

Anyway, now we’ve had another shift. This time though, as my schedule has gotten jam packed with work, marathon training, and writing, his has ballooned as well. He’s at a new job and he’s absolutely in love with it. It’s really a thrill to see. My husband has never had a job that he’s really enjoyed so having him come home every night bursting at the seams to tell me stories is unbelievably joyful and uplifting. He’s challenged and interested and engaged and genuinely having fun. Not to mention–he’s so freakin’ good at what he’s doing–he was born for it. I’m really so proud.

With all that said, this new gig takes up a lot more of his time and energy. Even when he’s not working–he’s working. I am sure many of you know what I mean. The job is much more demanding than what he has done before and I’ll admit that it has taken some time for me to adjust to it. I’ve realized that I’ve been a bit spoiled–I kind of want him there whenever I’m free. We’ve been lucky to have things work out that way for us in the past, but now we’ve entered a new phase. We had a little talk about things the other night cause we both felt like we were really missing each other. We realize that in the coming months, time is only going to get tighter, but we also agreed that that was ok. We are both happy–for each other and for us. Good things are happening and we want to embrace them–we don’t want to reject any of the gifts the universe has brought us, we want to keep our arms open to keep receiving anything and everything the world has to offer.

As we get into the heart of this new and exciting time in our lives, I think it helps if we are both conscious and fully present during the time we do get to spend together. That hour from 7-8pm is becoming more and more valuable to me. I’m cherishing the few minutes he stands at the edge of the kitchen, watching me sear a steak and chop salad as he humors me with the characters he’s encountered on the street or in the office that day. As I write this, I realize how I treat the time I get with my hubs is really not any different than how I was explaining I want to approach rest–I want to grab on to it enthusiastically and wholeheartedly. I want to make the most out of each minute we have. If I get two hours to watch a movie with him on a Friday night, the phone goes in the other room. I want to do less multi-tasking and more focusing. I think one of the major lessons I am learning from training has emerged and begun to show itself clearly– I want to make the most out of my time and do things all the way. I want to do less, better. 


1/6 of the way there folks. Thanks for coming along for the ride…

 

Alright, I want em’–all your stories about how training has positively or negatively impacted your relationships–let me hear them–or whatever else is on your mind. x

 

 

 

24 thoughts on “Week #3: “I Love Structure, but I miss my Hubs”

  1. Anne

    I just love how you talk about your relationship with your husband – that, you know, you kind of *like* each other, and *want* to spend time with each other! I’m a new reader but truly enjoying your writing and reading about a life so different from mine!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thank you so much Anne! I love reading about lives that are different from my own as well–makes me realize how big the world is!! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you might come back and read and share your thoughts again–and maybe even subscribe by email at some point if you care to read new posts. Either way, so glad to have you, thanks!!

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  2. “Training” was the only thread other than my darling wife that kept me going when I was in the depths of a terrible 20 month depression. My depression trough workouts were a joke but at least I was doing something.
    I cannot express how great it is to be back in the land of the living.

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  3. Awww, such a cute picture of the two of you! My boyfriend is currently training for his first half as I am training for my first marathon. We don’t train together – I run a bit faster than him as he is just getting into running now and as you can imagine our mileage is very different for training plans. But it’s nice that we are both devoting our outside time to training. We meet up after and have breakfast, sometimes we run around similar routes. We are there to support each other when we are tired and feel beaten up. We definitely haven’t spent as much time together as before the training and so I definitely get what you are saying about making the most of the time you are spending together. Good job getting in the zone!

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    1. Aww thanks lady–i feel like my guy makes all my pics a lot cuter, lol.
      That is so awesome that your boyfriend and you are both training for something–and kind of cool that you are doing your own thing, but can come together and share and support as well-sounds like you have struck a great balance!
      My hubs actually ran his first marathon last year ( when I met him he had never run a mile!) so now it has been really wonderful to have his advice and support as I train for my first try. He gives me a lot of “yeah, that’s normal,” and “yeah, I felt that way too, just keep going and get the miles in”. It’s pretty great and I feel so lucky to have an active partner who enjoys some of the same things I do–sounds like you have the same :).

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  4. My husband has been a chef at a few different places and we’ve gone through that time we were missing each other (especially when I was going to be to school to get my accounting certificate an working retail and he was 60+ hours a week at a private club). If we were lucky we had either all day Sunday or a half-day on Monday to spend with each other.

    Now that I’m training, he’s in different industry working 3rd shift which is a bit of a struggle. He’s able to fix dinner (or heat up his leftovers from when he meal-prepped at the beginning of the week), but he’s in bed by 7pm to be up by 2 or 2:30. He’s home after I go to work. This is great for the dog right now because she only has be to by herself for no more than 2-3 hours in the morning which is plenty of time to recoup from a run or walk with me.

    We do get most of Saturday together and all of Sunday. This is fairly new to us, having two full days together and I find my diet completely falling to pieces and indulging in more restaurants, snacks, and definitely beer than I should. While we don’t live in New York, we do have a pretty good craft beer scene in my town and we enjoy getting out and trying the different beers, the tap-takeovers, and seeing our friends. So right now, I need to find that balance between enjoying my time with him, but not overindulging because that Monday run can be a pain if I have!

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    1. I so relate to the extra day and it changing your diet a bit! We both eat really clean during the week but my hubs def likes to cheat on the weekends. I do as well but with my long run on sundays, i am trying to limit the treats cause it makes that run a slog. You are so right, balance! Still trying to find it!

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  5. I try to keep a strict early bedtime while my boyfriend likes to stay awake till after midnight – no matter what day of the week it is – thus he sleeps in while I’m kicking ass and taking names (lucky guy). I’ve tried to make it a weekend habit to get my workout done, stretch and shower so I can either crawl back into bed (as laying next to each other is often my favorite place to be) or make a big breakfast for the both of us. Lately, breakfast has been with some light music in the background so we can converse, catch up and plan for the next few days. Like you, it’s that small amount of time together that I cherish oh-so-much.

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  6. Hanna @ minimal marathoner

    Marathon training is tough on relationships. It gets to be like having a second job sometimes. You’re running a lot, which is a time suck, and when you’re not running you’re spending a lot of time thinking about running and worrying about running and planning for running. We often focus so heavily on our own sacrifices during training that we forget that our loved ones also make sacrifices so that we can pursue these goals. Marathon training, as much as I love it, requires us to get into a bit of as self-absorbed place and I think it’s important to balance that out by taking breaks from training throughout the year so that other things can take priority in life.

    That said, I think that all couples can struggle to find quality time together during the work week. Even if we’re not busy in the evenings, we’re tired from work or chores or projects, we can’t spend as much free time together because one of us has to get to bed early, etc. There’s an autopilot mode that people get into when they’re going through the week, and that’s okay – that’s just adult life. That’s why it’s important to make the most of the weekend when we are relaxed and can spend real quality time together.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Hanna. Definitely agree with having shifting priorities throughout the year to balance things out. Unfortunately our weekends are pretty full lately as well–but that’s ok. I know that some things are temporary and others we can work to squeeze in quality time when we can.
      I am amazed by the mileage I see a lot of runners putting in–I can’t believe they have full time jobs and families on top of that. People are kind of amazing!

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      1. Hanna @ minimal marathoner

        It is amazing, but everyone’s circumstances are different. Most of the runners I know who can fit in sky-high mileage have flexible work schedules or don’t work outside the home. Not to downplay their hard work, but that really does make a huge difference. That’s why it really does no good to compare ourselves to others. I’d probably fit in a lot more mileage myself if I could work from home or something, but alas.

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  7. I *love* this post! I’m still catching up on the blogs I’m following but had to respond to this. It sounds like a really exciting time for you both, bursting with potential! I can’t add very much with regard to how my training fits in with other commitments – my husband works from home and so is always here (albeit ensconced in the study for at least nine hours a day) and my job is part time and in the evening. My training regime is still that of a beginner, running four times a week plus a gentle jog with a running club I’ve recently joined. The only thing that I would like to change is my husband spending less time on the study working and maybe more time with me, joining me on a run. He doesn’t exercise and is virtually sedentary and I worry about his health a lot. Persuading him to try running is proving difficult however, with excuses about bad knees etc. I think it’s a confidence issue and ironically, if he gave running a try I think he’d find that confidence that he needs.

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    1. Corrina! So amazing that you have joined a running club–I saw that you have a new post, I am going to head over and check it out soon, cannot wait to read!
      Don’t lose hope with your hubs. When I met mine he was quite sedentary as well. It’s not that he was against exercise, he just lacked the confidence and know how to get out there (sound familiar?). The very first time we went for a run I told him that we could walk as often as he wanted, There was no pressure. It was a lazy saturday afternoon and we were just going to get some movement in. We ended up running 2 miles that day with lots of intermittent walking in between. He got the high and hasn’t looked back. Last year, he ran the NYC marathon. Pretty unbelievable right? He even does yoga twice a week now as well. He is pretty amazing.
      When I tell some people this story I frequently get the same response. They say–“oh my gosh, you’ve changed him so much.” But that’s not it at all. I have not changed him–not at all. I like to think that our relationship creates an environment where we both gain the comfort and the confidence to flourish and become who we really are. My husband was ALWAYS a runner–he had just yet to enter the environment where he felt safe for that part of him to emerge. I feel so grateful that i can provide that environment.
      You are bang on in your last comment as well and it’s the tough part of exercise and eating well, etc–the confidence to do these things does not come from nowhere, we have to do the things to WANT to do the things. Thanks for reading/catching up lady–so good to hear from you!

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  8. My Mr works long hours with very few days off, as he has his own business. We actually started running so that we had something we could do together, he was much faster than me but once a week we’d run together and he would stay with me at snails pace! Marathon training was tough because he didn’t always have time to run and I HAD to so we didn’t spend much time together at all but he still ran the marathon with me even though he had trained very little and honestly running with him for the first time in ages got me through the first 20 miles and I love him that little bit more for it!!! It’s tough to find time together without marathon training but try to make sure you squeeze in some… dinner date after your long run or running first thing in the morning so your evenings are free? Xo

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  9. It’s great that you guys are finding the balance. It’s not easy when you’re both busy. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last year (in NYC!), and over the years we’ve got good at balancing each other. We continue to consciously work at it – I’m getting better at switching off from work after 8pm, and I’m going to pinch your trick of putting the phone in another room, I love that idea! I work hard to fit my training in so that it doesn’t impact our time together. That means doing my weekend runs at 6am, but that also means I’m pretty much done by 9am, so we have the rest of the day together. I’m also a fan of less, but better – that was the philosophy of designer Deiter Rams, who created so many beautiful products for Braun. I try to apply that to all areas of my life 😊

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    1. Wow Ali–25 years, that’s amazing–and no better place to celebrate in my opinion (but you know I am a little biased!).
      I do the same thing–get my runs in early on the weekend so we have the rest of the day. What inspired this post was me planning that and them him having to run off in the middle of the day to do something for work. When it happened I basically acted like a big baby–I was super bummed he was leaving me. But like i said, i have to remember that we are really lucky to have good positive things happening and to have each other for support.
      I’t funny that you mention Braun because i have often been attracted to their products and others that are simple, but quality. I am glad you brought it up because it reminds me that i really want to apply this to all areas of my life. thanks Ali!

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