One Day at a Time

I’m a liar. Eh. Alright, perhaps I’m being a bit rough on myself. I’m a bullshitter. Or–maybe I’m just working some stuff out in this loud brain of mine.

I’ve mentioned how optimistic I am about the new year–that’s true, I am. I think what’s had me feeling like a fraud is that my optimism has shifted towards endeavors I’m so unsure about. As my goals and intentions for 2018 are slowly coming into focus, I feel clear and uncertain, all at the same time. It’s a different thing I think, when you know that you must set out on a journey that has no definitive destination or ending. That wasn’t how things were last year–last year I had blogging goals–numbers I wanted to reach. And of course, I had the marathon–the ultimate finish line.

I blog to grow. In 2017, blogging taught me an incredible amount of discipline. I learned to write even when I didn’t feel like it, even when I was tired, even when I felt like I might not have anything to say. I pushed through writer’s block more times than I can count and I learned that some of my most fulfilling work is on the other side of crap.

As much as blogging has helped my writing in the past 12 months, I ended December with the sneaking feeling I might have to break out and put my energy towards other forms of writing as well. Here’s the thing about blogging for me–I like the attentionIt feels good to put my thoughts out there and almost immediately have feedback on them. Honestly, I think a part of me has gotten addicted to the instant gratification. Whether a response to something I’ve written is positive, negative, or somewhere in the middle, it’s satisfying to feel like my voice is being heard and invigorating when people are moved enough to respond to it.

Now though, all of the sudden, as I’ve made this turn into 2018, I’ve realized that that instant gratification is only going to feed me for so long. I have to start working on bigger projects–I’ve got to push myself to start writing things that people aren’t going to read right away–or perhaps ever. It’s clear to me that by necessity, I’ve turned down a different road. I’d feel more confident if I knew exactly where I was going.

I was afraid that if I didn’t have clear cut goals for 2018, I’d lack focus. I’m not afraid of that anymore. I’m hopeful, eager, and disciplined. I also trust that there is some sort of force in the universe more powerful than I am–and that usually has a plan that is far superior to my own. So I think 2018 will be about quieting myself–about listening intently to hear what the next right thing for me to do is. I’m usually tempted to make things more complicated than they are. As a result I expend more energy than I need to, often on things that don’t really serve me. Take this morning. I was up later than usual watching the Globes last night, so I gave myself the option to sleep in. Normally, I would still wake up at my normal time, and then go back and forth with guilt over whether I should get up and try and get some writing in or make it to an AA meeting (there’s one at 7:30AM every morning I try to hit a couple times a week). If my extra sleep doesn’t go to complete shit over my waffling, it’s usually completely forgone to yawning at my computer screen and taking 90 minutes to squeeze out 3-4 usable sentences.

This morning was different though. On this cold January morning of this new year I woke up at my usual time, peeked at the clock, assessed that I was legitimately exhausted, and fell back asleep hard for another two hours. I woke with no guilt. I felt rested and ready to tackle whatever was next. I was even inspired to put in a little effort and do my hair instead of throwing it up in my usual bun. I truly believe the whole day went so smoothly because I just kept doing what was in front of me–rather than letting guilt and superfluous distractions slow me down and eat away at my time.

I’m hoping I can carry this mindfulness with me throughout the year–but I think that is part of the point–I don’t need to wish for that. I just need to take one day at a time.

This Monday was pretty great. I love when Mondays are great. 

I’m pretty stoked to wake up tomorrow and lift and run. Man I’ve been loving running lately. I haven’t gone over 6 miles in weeks and I’ve been loving every step. I used to dread shedding the holiday pounds–I used to dread putting them on, and taking them off. This year, I seem to be enjoying both. More on that soon. x

 

 

header: emanuel hahn

31 thoughts on “One Day at a Time

  1. Having the awareness to notice when I have drifted out of the moment, the day, the action has been a big thing for me. And I really think that’s half the battle.

    And in your example here, it’s all progress because you may not have been thinking about the gratification angle of blog posting at the beginning of the year. Coming to that conclusion is the next incremental step, essential step even. And I’ve got no doubt that your blog going forward will reflect that.

    I recently connected my Garmin app to Strava, mainly to keep in touch with my running club friends as I’m not on Facebook. The instant gratification of receiving ‘kudos’ when you log an activity is something I want to keep an eye on, as I’ve found myself mindlessly scrolling a little more than I would like. At this point I feel like Strava is overall a benefit for me as there are meaningful connections and value I get from it, but again, in the spirit of taking it day-by-day, I’m trying to take a considered approach. I’ll catch myself scrolling aimlessly and put my phone away, but I’m not going to make a bigger deal out of it than it is.

    As always, looking forward to what’s next!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Paul! Yeah I downloaded Strava and then immediately deleted it when I fully understood what it was, lol. Just not for me. I can get a bit too into the comparison game and i had no desire to invite that into my fitness. That is why I quite Instagram as well. For a while I claimed these things were “inspiration”, but then when I got honest with myself, I knew that’s not really what they were doing for me.
      I admire people who are able to just participate and interact with people without getting too much in their heads. Perhaps I will get there one day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahhhhh, instant gratification, it can be so evil!! I turned off my IG notifications due to every time someone commented I had to go see what it said. I also get overwhelmed with IG, feeling I need to reply to every comment on every post if I want to keep followers…who am I??!!

    I do have intentions to not let my blog fall by the wayside the first part of 2018 as happened in 2017. I hope to be able to add more than just running posts as well, we’ll see how that goes!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL, “who am i ??”. I know EXACTLY what you mean Jodi! I am off IG now and turned off my fb notifications and only access it from my computer–it’s been a very positive change in my life!
      I enjoy your running posts but I’m excited to see something else from you as well-sounds great! x

      Like

  3. Girl, I love your posts. I can totally relate to this one! This year I chose a word for the year to base all of my goals around, and my word is present. I hope to become more present and mindful, learning to enjoy the day to day moments. I love how you talk about listening intently and focusing on not expending any more energy than is needed. You really hit the nail on the head here! Thanks for the inspiration 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Girl–you know I love your posts as well–I am always relating!!
      The energy thing is a HUGE thing for me. I think it’s easy to expend a crazy amount of energy on things that don’t serve us. A lot of that for me is worry. Really working on focusing on useful and constructive ways to utilize my time when I would usually spend it worrying–which gets me nowhere!

      Did I already say happy new year to you? Happy New Year Chica. x

      Like

  4. Hey I have only read this post of yours since it’s the most recent but I can already tell that you are such a humourous and witty person and that’s such a great attitude to have in life. Keep it up!
    Thx for checking out my blog. It’s a small community but something nevertheless. Hopefully you could connect to my content and liked it. I have been trying to make it more personal, open and honest to encourage everyone to be themselves and not be ashamed to embrace it. Basically a platform where you can be assured to be judged and voice your opinion. I am glad you stumbled across my blog.

    If you have any feedback for me then please don’t hesitate to tell me or get in contact. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Digging, digging, digging.
      The loss of goals–so crazy to achieve and then feel such great loss after! I think I am recovering though–just trudging through the mire and trying to find my way through, just like you say. It’s strange to want/need such different things than what I’ve wanted for so long!
      Thank you lady. x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey Cat, I think that listening to ourselves and doing what is right for us at the moment, without guilt, is one of the hardest and most challenging things to take on. Be nice to yourself as you work on getting good at this:)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I feel like January has already slid away (even though it’s only the 9th) and I haven’t done a darn thing with it. I know how you feel this year feeling unfocused and unsure. You’re always more confident when you know where you’re going…but that doesn’t always make you more interested. I think a little mystery is good…but at the moment I’m not even sure if I can find a ROAD let alone decide which one to travel.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pat Takacs

    Have been working on this “One Day at a Time” concept for many, many years now. Some days I make it, some days I don’t. I too tend to plan and stuff my days up the wazoo! Then I back off and do one day at a time for a few days. Then busy busy again. I have learned to be grateful for even doing a few days at a decent pace, appreciating myself for who I am those days….just appreciating me in general! That has been a big life lesson.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am treading carefully with the instant gratification of blogging as well. One of the reasons I left Facebook for good in September is because I realized how addicted I was to the notifications – the constantly having to check for them, the emotional up or down based on them… it was silly to me. This past year was the first I really started to get blog followers and likes which quite honestly I never even created my blog for that purpose; it was just a way to ensure I was writing more. Once that started happening though it made me start to really analyze my writing topics. As I started following more blogs I began comparing my entries to theirs and thinking should I change my style? Should I write about this or that instead? Should I try to engage readers more? I did revamp my blog just in terms of layout (now that I figured out more of the tech-y stuff) and I do like it more. As far as the writing though I think I’m going to just keep on with how I’ve always written and what is liked great, and what’s not, oh well, in the end I’m really writing for me and no one else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I def think the conversation you and I have had about social media ties right in here. There was a minute there where I was obsessed with IG, which I personally think is the worst platform as far as becoming overly concerned with likes and follows. I took photos of EVERYTHING. Eventually it felt like I was an actor in my life rather than a real person. “Presenting” my life became exhausting and stopped feeling authentic when I was no longer happy or proud of something because it didn’t get a lot of likes. Been without it for about a year now and I’m much happier without it!
      I hope more people are questioning these platforms like we are.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I have a similar intention for the new year – to do away with goals and just try to live one day at a time. My official motto for the year is “one foot in front of the other”.

    I know what you mean about being addicted to the instant gratification of blogging. If I’m being honest with myself I feel that way about my own blogging. I would always be disappointed if I posted something and it didn’t get many comments because I lived for that feedback and got that little rush from seeing an email notification about a new comment. Now, I have a new blog that hardly ever gets ANY comments, so it’s really teaching me to outgrow my need for attention and write for me!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Speaking of that new blog—I’ve checked it out but looks like I have to create a blogspot account to comment or like? Did you switch platforms in order to get less comments?
      Either way, great that it is having such a positive effect on your writing.
      Also love your official motto. Sounds like we are on the same page!

      Like

      1. Ha, I switched platforms because I wanted it to be more “old school”, to be honest. I wanted something that harkened back to the days of dinky little online journal type personal blogs.

        I don’t think you can “like” posts on blogger, but you don’t need an account to comment, anyone with an email can. If you go to leave a comment, above the comment box is a “comment as” menu bar. You can select “Name/URL”, “WordPress”, or even “Anonymous”.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I love this, one day at a time is definitely something I live by! If I say for example I’m going to work out 5 days a week this month ,then one week I don’t manage that’s me, I throw my whole goal away because I messed it up one week, one day at a time is more achievable for me, I’ll see how I feel, see what my body needs and take the day from there!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Def Ang. I am not always perfect at living one day at a time but I feel like I am getting better at it all the time. It makes like so much more manageable, it’s crazy. It can be a challenge because I am such a planner and I have the capacity to worry about a LOT of things all at one time. I think that’s why I need this concept in my life so much–only need to focus on what is right in front of me!
      You’re spot on with the working out–that all or nothing thinking is crap for our fitness!

      Like

  11. I am stuck between a retrenchment or new start. It is an uneasy feeling for me since I usually know exactly what I need to do. It is nice to feel comfortable taking one day at a time. Good for you. I am striving for that and being happy with that as well, until I figure out what I am going to be doing. Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Trust me, I relate to you a ton! I think part of living one day at a time is working on having the acceptance that you are never going to be perfect at it.
      One year when I felt like I was “searching” for what to do, a friend of mine said to me: “Don’t you see, you’re doing it. Right now, this struggle, this searching, this falling down and getting back up, this not knowing and moving forward anyway–THIS, is IT, you’re doing it.”
      I keep that in my mind when I feel like I’m not seeing “progress” or “results”.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts–glad you could relate and super happy to have you here! Please do come back! x

      Liked by 1 person

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