Am I Failing?

I realize that control is somewhat of an illusion in this life. We can have everything in place, all according to plan, and in just an instant, something or someone can blow it all to pieces.

Lately I feel like I’m failing. Just this week actually. It’s not so much about plans falling through. If you’ll remember, I’m making a lot less of those lately as I work on living in the present.

It’s more a feeling of everything I’m trying to grab onto slipping through my fingers–getting away from me in a way that leaves me feeling unproductive, uneasy, and–you guessed it–out of control.

Sometimes I wait for my feelings to pass. I know I could feel differently as soon as tomorrow (hell, check back with me in an hour.) Other times, it helps if I work through whatever is ailing me–I knock it down a bit and remind myself that emotions stirring up inside me are not always connected to facts.

That’s what this is–a bit of a work-through. I’m gonna tell you what I feel like I can’t get a handle on. To keep it productive, I’m also going to show you the other side of the coin. I’ll reveal what is going right in that area of my life, or what I know to be true on a good day. My hope is that when I’ve finished, my glass will emerge half full, and my perspective will have shifted in a more positive direction.

Let’s do this.

Running

How I’m losingI’ve got a feeling I won’t make my goal for October to average under 9:00 minutes/mile for my 10k. I’m pushing myself like crazy in workouts–but I’ve got a feeling I’m not doing the workout I probably need to be doing. The one that got me so close to my goal the last time: the tempo. I just don’t want to. That is all.

How I’m winningam getting faster. Also my aerobic fitness is improving. I’m kicking ass on my speed and hill interval workouts and my “long” run with my hubs on Sundays is getting easier. I’m also starting to work on the rowing machine and stair climber as cross training and they are really making me feel like I’m becoming a more dynamic athlete.

It feels like I am entering a phase where I care about my overall fitness more than hitting goals and numbers. It’s a weird feeling–how do I prove to YOU how fit I am? (rolls eyes at self.)

Or maybe I should have just signed up for a 5k instead of a 10k–I think I’d kill that right now. #runnerproblems

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Strength Training

How I’m losingI used to be able to do 15-20 push-ups in a row like a boss. I worked up to doing at least 3 sets every workout and I pumped them out, no problem. Now I struggle with 3 sets of 10. (You should see my face by #8, I’m sure more than one person at my gym has stood by, thinking they might have to peel me up off the ground.)

How I’m winningThe amount of weight I am lifting in other exercises is increasing, as is my endurance within the sets. I do actually feel like I am getting stronger. For some reason it’s my push-ups and my pull-ups that feel like they are regressing. I have a feeling if I give it some time, some other exercise will get harder and others will get easier again.

It takes me a while to learn and acknowledge that progress is not linear. Then I start a new thing and I forget it all over again.

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Yoga

How I’m losing: The first picture below is almost three years ago. The second one is about a month ago. Enough said.

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How I’m winning: Some yogis are very strong. Some have more flexibility. The masters learn to balance the two. I tend to have a lot more strength than flexibility. In that photo from three years ago, I was off work for an extended period of time and going to class 4-5 times a week. That allowed my body to really open up. It also meant that I injured myself more than once going too deep into postures (not this one) because I felt so bendy.

While I may look less “advanced” in the second photo, I know that it shows a more seasoned yogi. I’m no longer relying on either my strength or flexibility in postures. Instead I’m quietly trying to balance the two–to get them to work together. I have a feeling the next time I’m able to drop my arms down and get my forehead to my knee, I won’t just be relying on an open hamstring. My core will be engaged to help me balance and protect my back, and my standing leg will be solid like a rock (or a lamppost, if you’re a Bikram nerd like me ;)).

Work

How I’m losingThe truth is, I’m never “in control” at my job. I’m not the boss and I work in an industry (TV & film) where the unexpected happens pretty much every day. Still, this show has been a lot more challenging for me. A lot of my work has been at a standstill while I wait on other people. My job is to pay the bills. They are piling up but I can’t pay all of them yet. This makes me feel insane. On a bad day, my head is full of self-centered thoughts about how this is makes me look to vendors and other departments.

How I’m winning: My hubs keeps reminding me: I can only do what I can do. Every single day I have to let go, put my head down, and just do my best. Vocalizing my frustration will not serve anyone around me; it will only add to the stress already present in our office. And my “reputation”? Please. That’s just some bullshit garbage the crap side of my brain is spewing out. That’s my ego, and it doesn’t belong here. While this show has made me feel crazy, it’s also been one of the best teachers I’ve had in a long time. I’m at my job for two reasons: to make a living, and to serve. I work in the city I love, in a great environment, with outstanding people. I’m getting paid well for my work. In return I show up and do the best and most I can each day. That’s it. It actually doesn’t have to get more complicated than that.

Writing/Blogging

How I’m losingOh let me count the ways…I never feel like I’m writing enough. There are so many things I want to get up on the blog that I’ve started but can’t quite seem to finish: Recaps of the rest of our trip to the U.K., the next step on my Body Image Project . There are also things I want to write that aren’t for the blog. Honestly, these things, I haven’t even made a start on. I’m getting home at 8 or 830 every night which means I’m usually done with dinner at 9pm or a little after. At that point there’s only 8 hours (sometimes less) until I’ve got to wake up the next morning. Each night is a decision whether to get a little time with my hubs, or a little work done. It’s hard sometimes. I often wish I didn’t care. I wish I didn’t want to write. I wish I didn’t want other, “bigger” things. (Alright, I hear the violin playing, I’ll stop).

How I’m winningI’ll never stop writing. Even if I never make a success out of it. I’ll keep going. I know it.

Home

How I’m losingOur house is a bit of a mess lately. We had a cleaning lady that was helping us out once a month (I know, violin again–the privilege, I’m sorry), but she got a full time gig and had to quit on us. Her coming was really the hugest help because she conquered the big stuff–window cleaning, the oven, wiping down the fridge. She cleaned so thoroughly that all I really had to do was a bit of light maintenance each week in the kitchen and the bathroom. (The hubs does the laundry every week and cleans up after meals (I cook)–don’t worry ladies, division of labor is strong in this household!)

Admittedly, I’m a bit of a clean freak. (I don’t think I am but then people often remark on the cleanliness of our apartment). Living in a messy environment makes me feel like a bit of a loon. It sounds so easy–just clean it! But there goes that time issue again. Work and all my other activities take so much out of me; I don’t remember the last time I was home and didn’t feel exhausted.

How I’m winningThe space in between the four walls of our apartment might be in a bit of disarray, but the relationship going on within it is going strong. My hubs is at a new job and feeling all sorts of discomfort and vulnerability. I feel like every night we are coming together with the little time we have and listening to each other and really being supportive. It feels nice. I’m proud of us.

Our outsides are a little messy–but inside, I’d say we’re cleaning up pretty good.

Coaching

How I’m losing: I’ve only got 2 classes left in my life coaching program! How am I going to start this? How am I going to build a career and a lifestyle that I love? Where am I going to find the time to work on all of it? My classmates have already started coaching people–I need to get my shit together.

How I’m winning: I had a breakthrough in class last week. We did this exercise where our teacher asked us what we would write on a billboard if we could have the biggest one in Time Square–one that everybody would see. She was trying to get us to identify our “why”–our reason for doing what we are doing.

I’m not gonna reveal what I wrote on my billboard yet. I’ll just tell you that the exercise made me burst into tears.

I may not know my how yet…but I know my why.

I’ve just gotta do the next right thing. One step at a time.

 

So there it is. I have to say, my outlook on life is a little bit brighter. I’ve got a lot of balls in the air–but they are good balls, balls I am lucky to have. Alright, I’ll stop saying balls. But you know what I mean. I’m pretty fucking fortunate to have the “problems” I have. That other side of the coin is pretty shiny:

  • A healthy body I get to work with each day
  • A job that allows for a good living
  • A creative spirit that just won’t quit
  • A home (my hubs) that protects and feeds my soul
  • A possibility of something new and challenging

 

What about you? What are you “failing” at this week? Tell me. Then tell me the other side too. What’s the good part of it? How are you winning? Shit–sometimes kicking ass can feel like failing–that’s why we’ve got to talk it out so we realize we’re doing okay!

*As always, I’d love to hear from you.

 

*Hey guys! Do me a favor please? It’s come to my attention that some people have had trouble posting comments to some of my pieces. If you are having that problem, would you mind dropping me a line through the contact page? It’d be a huge help. Thanks loves. Oh–and thank you SO much for all the love and support you showed for 10 Years. It was a big milestone for me and I’m so grateful I got to share it with all of you. x

 

I’m so glad we’ve found each other in the blogosphere, let’s connect on Instagram  as well! I blog once or twice a week but I’m up and “running” 😉 there daily. Please come find me! x

 

 

header image: nik macmillan

49 thoughts on “Am I Failing?

  1. This was a great piece as always chick. I’m guilty of the same thing, and have to remind myself of the positives of which there are bucket loads!

    But the negatives rear their heads more often. I’m still doing a job I tried to leave over a year ago. I still don’t know what direction to go in. I never feel like I’m training enough. I’m struggling to balance GF and training. I’m struggling to see friends and family. But I’m also very lucky to have these ‘first world problems’ and I remind myself of that constantly.

    We will all find our eventually. And it may not be what we thought it would be. But it will be what it is supposed to be. X

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  2. Hey! Just found this post. You are totally on track ! Just keep working on all that and you’ll get there. As for running, do you ever run on a treadmill? That makes speed work so much easier. Of course you can do it outside, too. Do ONE tempo. You got this!

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  3. The more I read your posts about yoga, the more interested I’m becoming in trying it out. The balance between strength and flexibility sounds fascinating, especially if one can compensate with their more proficient quality into problems with form, technique, etc.

    I’m failing at the moment in being creative with cooking. I’ve picked up a few great cooking ebooks over the last couple of months with amazing recipients for dinners and desserts, but I’d liked to have attempted far more of them. On the other hand, my daily meals over that period have been containing big vegetable portions to help balance out any descents into junk food and snacking.

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  4. Another great post Cat, we all have our moments of doubt, but (like so many others who’ve commented) absolutely love the how I’m failing /how I’m winning approach! I think I’ll adopt it and next time I complain about how I’m doing, make myself note how I’m winning as well! Thanks so much!

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  5. Pingback: Escaping the Failure Mindset – Wayfare Runner

  6. I think any runner is going to struggle with flexibility at yoga. I took a yoga for runners class one time and the instructor sat on the floor with her feet spread wide apart, then put her head down until her nose touched the floor. She instructed us runners to do the same. Most of us were lucky if we could just make our bodies bend to ninety degrees! 🙂

    You have a lot going for you – you are fit, have a great relationship with your hubby, an engaging job… Control is an illusion. You are doing great!

    What am I losing at this week? I ran a marathon on Sunday and reinjured my hip. Right now I can’t run at all. That is a big loss for me!

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    1. Oh no Laurie! So sorry to hear about your hip! I know not running is such a big loss for you–that’s so tough! Hope you are getting some rest and figuring out what your body needs to get well. Oy–maybe some yoga? lol.
      Yeah, I have to say i can always tell who the runners are when they come into my yoga classes–we are all stiff in all the same places ;). There is one pose that for years has frustrated me and I could never figure out why the first part of it is so hard for me. It seems so simple! Then one day my teacher was like “duh! you’re a runner!” And she showed me the motion that inhibits the movement I was trying for. Duh!

      I hope you get better soon Laurie. And i hope you get the rest your body needs as well! Thanks for this! x

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  7. Don’t sell yourself short on on your goal of sub 9 for the 10k. If someone had told me at the beginning of this year or heck even this summer that I would run a 24:16 in a 5k I would’ve laughed and said what do you think, I’m still in high school? Keep in mind I do no legit speed work. Sometimes we have more in us than we realize and if the conditions are ideal (I had great weather and a great course) then everything can certainly fall in place for it!

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    1. 24:16!? That’s badass girl, congrats!! I am not sure I am even close to where you are at–but you’ve given me a bit of hope either way. You’re right, who knows right? Maybe everything will fall into place for me too :). Thanks! x

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  8. Good stuff – recognize the negatives, turn them into positives! As for your attempt to average 9 minute miles in your 10K, don’t judge your speed right now during summer. You’ll be amazed how a cool fall day can produce fast paces.

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    1. Thanks Chris! Yes! Love that you are the first person to encourage my recognizing the negatives lol. Especially when we can find the greater perspective I think it’s so valuable to identify what’s going “wrong”. I think it’s more awareness than anything.
      Also–hoping you’re right about the temps. It’s funny cause I really LOVE the summer–and because I do, I think I tend to be rather reluctant to admit the effect the high temps and humidity can have on my running. You probably won’t believe me but i really do sweat more than anyone I know (man or woman). Yesterday my hubs and i were running and it was about 80 degrees and sunny and it surprised me how many salt tabs i needed to keep the cramps out of my calves. The weather definitely does do a number! I will keep working in it and hope that work pays off in the cooler temps as you say ;). Thanks Chris!

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  9. Great post! Thanks for your openness to real life! Ive been in a similar stage lately as well. I feel as though my career is plateaued, my blogging is so-so with no point, and family and friends are distant. But, I am optimistic, new projects are emerging that could jump start a number of things – including running. I have a great training plan, a good friend, and a willing spirit. It’s just a matter of persevering.

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    1. Thank you so much WF! It really does help to see the other side of things right? Sounds like you’ve got some real appreciation for the good things in your life–I think that really helps us have that more positive perspective!
      And you’re right–persevering. There will always be tough times and bumps in the road. But sticking with it and coming out on the other side can be some of the most rewarding parts of life. (I’ve heard some older really successful people say that the times when they were young and really struggling making ends meet and figuring things out, were probably the best times of their life.)
      Thanks so much for sharing. Hope these new projects provide the juice you need ;).

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  10. I love how you put all these together. I love your style .I mean I couldn’t have put it this way.
    And after reading this,I’ll never be satisfied with how I write.
    I just want to do this more often.

    You are winning so stop asking yourself if you are losing.

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  11. Hey Cat,
    I can identify with your feelings. Finding time to write is the biggest. I have so many ideas, experiences to document. I have to at least start some, even if I don’t post. It’s easier to have something to go back to, or edit than to just start fresh. Never as strong or flexible as I’d like to be…looks like you’re killin it. Training for that goal race can be frustrating, but the work you’re doing will pay off. You’re feeding the beast within, unleash it race day…Press on my friend!

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    1. Hey Denny. Glad you can relate. It’s funny, in my coaching class on Sunday we talked a lot of “starting” and how important it is. We can think about ideas for forever, but it’s really important to at least make a start on things. You’re right, it’s so much easier to work from there then from a blank page!
      Thanks so much for your encouragement on the race. I think you’re right that I’ll just have to meet that race day on the day and give it whatever I’ve got. We’ll see :). Thanks Denny, so great to hear from you! x

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  12. The best trick I learned about running (which applies to everything else) is to not focus on hitting a certain time goal. Instead- focus on how you feel and make feeling good your top priority. My first coach always discouraged me from trying to hit any kind of time during a race because that can totally suck the joy out of the experience.
    You are crushing it. But it’s normal to feel like you’re never doing enough- no matter how much you accomplish. Happens to everyone 💕

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    1. Hey girl! I like this trick. It seems simple but it’s honestly not one I’ve really tried or focused on. Feeling good. I can see how that could really work. Sometimes taking it easier makes me feel better. Sometimes pushing it is what I crave. Since I trust myself and I’m never really worried about not pushing myself, going by feel seems like such a smart way to go. I am so glad to read your comment cause it made me excited for my race in October for maybe the first time. It’s nice to remember that I run because I fucking love it. So easy to forget that when i get caught up in the numbers!
      Thanks girl! x

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  13. I thought I was failing on being strong and resilient and panicked about being 46 and I was about to crumble and not be fit into my old age. Turned out the Canal Canter race WAS a tough race, a lady I know did it last year and on the grounds of that decided not to do her marathon she was working towards, and actually although I thought I was destroyed I bounced back really quickly and was back at full strength pretty fast. I’d rather that way round than push it, feel great then lose out on exercise for two weeks.

    Your positives far outweigh your negatives. Your thoughts on your running and yoga and strength training sound just right to me and that’s the stuff you know about. I’ve been a marketing manager trying to live up to what sales had told people and did not control my space and it’s HORRIBLE and it sounds like you’re doing brilliantly at what you can do. You can, erm, get another cleaner, right? If it matters, get one (I had one but I hated having one so much that now i take the time to do it and we pay me from our joint account for these 3 hours – that’s because I can make the time, though).

    You have got this. You’re brilliant. And hubs is a great support to you, which is wonderful.

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    1. I can’t imagine you ever failing at being strong and resilient–that seems so much a part of who you are! Glad you got around to seeing that after that tough race!

      I love the idea you and your hubs have of paying you out of your account for the cleaning! That’s brilliant! Why not right? I just wish I had the time. I actually did rise quite early on my rest day today and instead of writing, I CLEANED the SHIT out of our apartment. So yay, that happened ;). Thanks so much for your understanding and encouragement Liz, always appreciated! x

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      1. Thank you, I do come across as strong but I have my wobbles, just like everyone else, and try to be honest about them on my blog etc! And I meant running and yoga and training are what I know about, not the only things you know about (d’oh). It’s not for everyone, being paid to do their own cleaning: in our case, I worked out I was spending as much time overseeing our cleaner, tidying before she came, dealing with her, cleaning after her (sigh) as I would if I just did it myself, so it was an easy decision!

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  14. Winning- Tried a new machine at the gym. There were recently 3 rowing machines added. It took me a while to try them because they were always in use when I went, until one day this past week, they weren’t. Perfect. Failing- I feel like an uncoordinated toddler still trying to coordinate their limbs on this thing. I get the concept of push with legs, pull, and repeat, but for some reason I’m just not putting the movement together. So failing because feel uncoordinated and very self-conscious on it but winning because trying something new, asked a staff member I see all the time for a tip for using the machine, and able to share a laugh as we worked through and trying to figure out why this movement is making me feel so “stuck.” When you did the rowing machine, did you tackle it the first time you sat down on it or did it take a few goes at it to find the rhythm?

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    1. OMG C, I am right there with you? I so did not tackle the rowing machine the first time and still haven’t after several tries! I know that there is a correct form to using the machine and I don’t really have it. I know there are people who do this for the primary part of their cardio and they get a fantastic full body workout. I am not one of them! I am very much a work in progress on this machine (and everywhere else in life!) Really I just do the best that I can. I make sure I have good enough form that I am not going to injure myself or overcompensate and strain some part of my body. Other than that I am sort of just learning as I go.
      Bravo to you for trying something new! It’s hard–especially at the gym. We don’t want to look “stupid”. God forbid we are human and don’t know something, right?
      In yoga my teachers often say, the poses that make you the most uncomfortable, are probably the poses you need the most. Maybe you need the rower! Who knows ;).
      Thanks for speaking up C, always love hearing from you and keeping up with what you have going on! x

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  15. drnjbmd

    A very wise friend of mine, former world-class marathoner, gave me the best advice. He told me to simply enjoy every step of running rather than to think of training for upcoming races and my concept of progression. I would say to you that you may want to move away from terms such as “winning” and “losing” because those are probably too defining. Similiar to quantum mechanics, trying to put precise definitions on things tend to give them more, or less value that they deserve. In short, simply “be” rather than winning or losing.

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    1. I am going to take your advice about enjoying every step totally to heart Doc! It really is a more enjoyable way to run and bringing gratitude into my fitness just really multiplies what I get out of it.
      Also appreciate your advice about the language I am using, I do always think about that. I do use the words here (and other places) pretty deliberately though just to illustrate the feelings that come up inside me–feelings I often know are not based on facts!
      Thanks again for chiming in–really appreciate your voice!

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  16. I love that you give the losing and winning sides – that’s how I feel. I’m a teacher which is another job where I have only the semblance of control over my day and the decisions I’ll get thrown at me. It’s my strongest area where I could have a losing/winning conversation – losing at keeping up with paperwork, losing at connecting enough with every child I teach, losing at not comparing myself with pinterest worthy teachers. But I’m so lucky and grateful to do what I do – I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. I can’t have my own children but I get to have an impact on the lives of many.

    As always, great blog post and thanks for getting me thinking!

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    1. Oh my gosh Gill I appreciate your perspective so much. I really love hearing about different professions and the challenges people face within them. I think without that experience ourselves, it’s easy to make generalizations about different jobs.
      Also–I am SO glad you are a teacher. I am so happy to hear when people are doing the thing that really makes them feel alive, the thing they really love. Your desire to make an impact on kid’s lives–it’s what we hope all of our teachers have (but not all of them do.) I promise– I remember all my teachers who really cared!
      Right back at ya on the “getting thinking” tip–thanks for doing that for me with your thoughtful comment!

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  17. I am very impressed by everything you wrote. You sound like you have it together. You know how to quiet the ‘demon’ or ego. I’ve had a tough week trying not to listen to my demons telling me not to exercise. Telling me to hide away. Telling me I’m not making progress and I should just give up. But I’m not listening this week. I’ve gone out and done my workouts & kept going. That’s how I’ve beat the voice! p.s. Reading your blog makes me think I should start writing again! 🙂 x

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    1. Thanks so much Jenner! I don’t know about having it “together” but I think I’m doing pretty well trying to take on one day at a time!
      It’s interesting you talk about those voices. My hubs and i were just talking about how when we are in yoga, if we sit out of a posture, there is a voice that tells us, “why did you even come, what was the point?” And then when we run, if we did less then we’d hoped or didn’t “push” as hard as we thought we should, there’s a “why even do it at all” voice again. That voice is bullshit. I find confronting it and talking to it out loud helps me a lot! Like, “hey there shit talker, what’s your game?!”
      (I’m a little crazy, as you can see, so this is obviously not advice, lol).
      So glad you were able to conquer that voice last week. Happy Monday! PS–You definitely SHOULD start writing again–beyond thrilled to serve as an inspiration!

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    1. Hey Fed! So glad you can relate. I know not everyone gets to work their dream job–but i do think there’s that something in the middle too. Where we’re not in love with what we do, but we are also really grateful to have the opportunity to do it and make a living. Thanks so much for chiming in!

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  18. Actually, this writing sounds like you are happy and full of life! Seems like you’re beginning to achieve what you were aiming for……more living, less driving yourself. So Happy for You! In a holistic place. Inspiring!!!🤗

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    1. Thanks so much Pat! I think you are right–and i think that is where my head ended up at the end of this! Oooh, and I love your line–it;s gonna be in my head all day “MORE LIVING, LESS DRIVING.” Ooh, Pat, I love it, thank you!

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  19. Alas, I can comment! Whew! Whatever the glitch was, it appears to be solved. I have a couple thoughts on this one (as you knew I would). You are NOT losing! It is impossible to lose at yoga, first of all… and you appear to be WAY more flexible in both of your poses as pictured. So try not to be so hard on yourself!

    You are doing a LOT of things! Wow! Just reading about all your efforts makes me a little tired… I think you should take pride in your effort. Maybe a little mantra like “I’m doing my best. It is enough. It is always enough.” Seriously, you rock! The post vacation workouts are always creaky for me as well. But you will get back there, I am sure of it. I love your conclusion and all of the things you are grateful for. Focus on those. They are the important things. You are daring greatly to do so many awesome things. That is never failure. But I do think you can go easier on yourself. 😉

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    1. Woohoo! Yay for comments! Thanks for pointing that out to me when that happened. Glad it seems to be fixed now!
      Ok now I am smiling at everyone’s responses of me being too hard on myself using words like “losing” or failing. I definitely know i am not losing ;). I do use those words though to try and evoke the feelings that come up–feelings I can’t control even when i know they are bullshit!
      And you are SO right–there is definitely not any winning or losing in yoga. It’s funny, I have a teacher right now who is very into “pushing” us in class. It’s something at one point in my life i would have responded to very positively–but now, I’m not a fan. I DO push myself, almost always. It’s actually taken a lot of work to get to a point where I really listen to my body and let it do what it wants and needs instead of what i am forcing it to do. So if i sit out of posture and someone is pushing me not to rest and i get up and do the posture–the only real part of me that is serving is my ego–something that really doesn’t need any serving!

      It’s funny you say I am doing a LOT of things. It’s really funny you say that. Had some revelations this Sunday in my life coaching class. Might have to do LESS things if i want MORE out of others. More on that to come I am sure.

      Your comments are some of the best– I cherish them, seriously. Always so insightful, always making me think. Thanks girl! x

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  20. Another inspirational blog post! I may do something similar if you don’t mind 🙂 In the past year or two I have been a lot more forgiving of myself. Instead of focusing just on “failures” or where I’m falling short, I’m trying to focus on what’s going right. I could pick so many things but I will save that for a blog post or two! The thing I probably am hardest on myself yet and have been for years is my writing. I always feel like I’m not writing often enough or making enough progress on projects. But the truth is, I’m not sure I would ever be satisfied. I’ve never even given myself a target number of words to reach per day/week or a firm timeline. So how can I beat myself up over not meeting goals when I haven’t even set any, lol! I think women in particular are hard on themselves and just feel in general they aren’t measuring up, so I think that is what’s behind my writing anxiety.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks girl! And please–I’d love to read something similar from you, so glad it inspired!
      Glad (well not glad, but glad you can relate) that someone else is hard on themselves about writing. I do think I am getting better as well, I am pretty good now at doing just what this post does-focusing on what is going well and what i have done. You’re probably also right that you (and I) would never be satisfied no matter how much we are doing. Sometimes I think– “is that sick, or is that my “drive”? Is that what makes me someone who’s always seeking and trying to get better?” I don’t know. You tell me if you do, k?
      Can’t wait to read your version of this! x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it’s two sides of the same coin. We set high goals for ourselves and that’s the “carrot” we use to achieve them. But like anything in excess, it can also be poisonous. I think we set high expectations, then meet them, then the next time we think we have to aim even higher and at some point we have set expectations too high. Here’s what I came up with! https://rachaelhanel.me/2018/08/25/writing-fails-and-writing-successes/

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, you’re the sweetest, thank you! I definitely think I finished the piece with the feeling that I was winning–or at least really doing okay. I think I the title came from a desire to express that feeling a lot of us get that we are failing or not doing enough–it’s so easy to have it come up even when we are doing okay (or kicking ass!).
      And I am also not going to argue with your race day magic idea. How i am feeling now is that I am just going to be in the best shape I can that day and be ready to run and enjoy myself. The rest is just results–those I am letting go of ;).
      Thanks so much for your comment–such a ray of light and so nice to read! Hope you come back again! x

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